Character profile: Loggerhead

19th Jul 2018, 4:31 AM
Character profile: Loggerhead
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Cartoonist_at_Large 19th Jul 2018, 4:31 AM
Cartoonist_at_Large
Loggerhead became a lumberjack for one reason, and one reason only: he hates freakin' trees! Sittin' there all snooty, and tall, and- and- green; cloggin' up our gutters with their leaves, and putting their roots through our drainage pipes.... and what is it with this whole 'they provide us with oxygen' thing? That's extortion, is what that is!! Once he joined S.C.U.M, however, his lust for spilling plant sap was doubled, thanks to a handy bionic upgrade - if he's ever in need of an axe or a chainsaw: BAM! They pop right out of his wrist gauntlets! Eat that, you leaf-waving freaks! Still, there's one plant he doesn't hate - fellow S.C.U.M agent Kudzu, who actually shares his anti-tree stance; as she's a weed.... and everyone knows weeds are the underdogs of the natural world, always being pushed around - just like loggerhead! If she wants 5 acres of open space to grow her invasive offspring, her beloved will clear it of every tree for her.... and another 5 acres.... and another 5 acres.... and five more acres after that....

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